Well, I figured I should start filling you all in on our continued journey to parenthood. :)
A few weeks ago we had dinner with some old High School friends who have adopted their two children. They gave us great information about the process, but reminded us that everyone has their own journey to go through. I have also Facebook messaged with another couple we went to high school with who recently adopted their first child, and I email corresponded with a friend of a friend who is currently waiting to be matched. Everyone has great insight, but Rob and I just needed to jump in somewhere.
We had done some research online and took into account all the stories we've heard over the years (before IVF we contemplated adoption and gathered a lot of info then, but then ultimately decided to give IVF a try first). The day after we had dinner with our friends, we met with a social worker at a local agency. I have talked to 2 people who have had success with this agency over the span of many years, and one other individual who used their services to finalize an independent adoption who also sung their praises. Rob and I had a good meeting, asked tons of questions, and ultimately felt comfortable after our talk with the social worker.
We went home and then called another agency to sign up for one of their informational meetings. However, right after placing that phone call we talked and we realized that although we've heard great things about Texas and Louisiana adoptions, Rob and I, for whatever reason, are just feeling like we want to stick with Appleton for this. We had to travel to MN multiple times for IVF, and with Rob's business it is hard to get away to another state at the drop of a hat. We really aren't "jump on a plane" kind of people. Our decision, as a couple, was to keep it local and go with the agency we met with. We felt comfortable overall and just wanted to get our journey started. We've heard great things about other agencies, and bad things about other agencies. Since we've started with our agency we now have heard bad things about our agency, but I'm choosing to remain positive.
We know the risks of WI adoption - that the birthmother has 30 days to change her mind. However, we just are ready to take the risk. I don't know why, but I am positive this will work out for us. I was positive with IVF too, but mostly pretty skeptical. With adoption, I'm just really hopeful, and I'm determined to enjoy the process. We know lots of children who were adopted in WI and it all worked out. I know people are just trying to be helpful when they warn us of things, and perhaps we look like damned fools for continuing on our path regardless, but this is our journey, Rob and Jennine's story, and everyone's path is different. I like to look at it as, "If God wants us to have a baby, He will give us our match. If He doesn't, we will be OK." We haven't had a baby thus far and we've survived! I'm looking forward to our happy ending though and trying very hard not to let negative comments scare me. One step at a time, one day at a time.
I feel good with what we've accomplished so far. We've submitted our application and we are now on to step two...fingerprinting, physicals, autobiographies...it feels good to be starting the process and getting "signed up." Once all the work is behind us, we just wait for someone to choose us. It could take 2 weeks, it could take 2 years. What will be will be. We put in the work of finding an agency, and doing the paperwork, but then the rest is out of our control, which is going to be a very good thing for me.
Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Santa didn't bring us what we were hoping for...
Good morning and Merry Christmas! Tomorrow is my first blood test and Friday is my confirmation blood test to find out if our 3rd and final fresh round of IVF worked or not. I jumped the gun this morning and took a home pregnancy test...the really good kind...a First Response Early Response, or FRER as they're referred to in the infertility blog world. Sadly, it came up negative.
Now I know, I know. Sometimes they can be wrong, or sometimes it's too early, but I'm not holding my breath here. I've taken lots of tests over the years and they've never been wrong. I know how to use them. And, I don't think it's too early with tomorrow being my first HCG test. My nurse will email me tomorrow probably, and if my quant is 0, it will confirm.
For now, I will continue to take all my meds like a good patient, on the off chance that the HPT is wrong, and on Friday, either way, I will be set free from IVF!
So what are my thoughts this morning? Surprisingly, OK. I was preparing myself for a failed cycle. Things just weren't looking too good. Only 8 mature eggs. Only one 8 cell on day 3. No frozens. I just have learned so much on this journey that I had a hunch this wasn't going to be our miracle baby. With no frozens, I'm faced with the realization that we really have done all we could to have a biological child of our own, but it was not meant to be.
When we had our final transfer, Dr. Stassart indicated that he would be willing to keep working with us, but for what? Nothing new was learned. There is no new fantastic treatment to try. I just am done beating my head up against the same brick wall. IVF is a tough thing to go through even one time, and we did it 5 times, 3 fresh cycles and 2 frozens. I don't think I'm a quitter to want to move on.
We're not getting any younger and I have to have hope that we will start a family somehow. I'm the type of person that wants to jump into "the next big thing" but Rob will need a little more time to heal from IVF being a big fat failure. But, when we're ready, I'm excited to start the next chapter in this journey and pursue adoption. I've known this all along that this was the route we'd take if IVF didn't work, and it finally feels like now I will have a green light to go for it! IVF left me feeling dead inside. When it didn't work the first time, and then when we miscarried the second time, it just felt like everything else was just "going through the motions." I had given control up to Jesus and I believe that he knows a plan for me that is bigger than the one I can dream up for myself. By stepping back and giving up control, I went through the steps of IVF like a good patient, but I lost my passion for it. Each negative step just kept wearing me down. My body has been a science experiment for 1.5 years, and I'm ready to feel some fire inside again! I know adoption is a long and trying road, but I'm ready to learn all I can about it and forge ahead.
I think Rob and I are meant to do great things. We weren't meant to just have children the way everyone else does it. We have different hurdles to go over. IVF, and infertility in general, is an incredible test of a couple's strength. I know you've read this blog and know what we've been through but we are the ones that actually lived it. Every medical procedure (even back to our chlomid, temp charting, and IUI days) every lab test, every pill, every needle, every time under anesthesia, every genetic counseling step, every miscarriage (all 3 of them), every drive to and from MN, we endured together. We haven't had the joy baby bump pictures, or the beautiful birthing story to tell. Everything we've been through has led us right back to where we started, childless. I mean, for those of you with children reading this, really try to imagine if you were never able to have them...no matter how much you love them now, or how badly you wanted them, or how you can't imagine your life without them... imagine that no matter what you tried, you never were able to bring them into this world. Then you would feel how painful infertility is.
I'm not the only woman to go through infertility. There are terrible, painful stories out there of miscarriages, and and stillbirths and mid-pregnancy loss. There are women who try IVF 7, 8, 9 times with no luck. There are couples who are financially ruined from the cost of the treatments. I'm not saying I'm better or worse than any of those women, or that Rob and I as a couple are better or worse as any other couple. I know there are families WITH children who have terrible terrible stories. Children with cancer, or children with behavioral issues, or physical disabilities that make everyday living difficult and emotionally painful. I'm not saying we're better or worse than any of those families. There are people who have perfectly healthy children, and have had no issues having them. I'm not saying we're better or worse than them. I'm just saying, after all we've been through, in my opinion, our story is a tough one to bear, but we are incredibly strong, and we'll push through. Life on earth isn't meant to be easy. We all will struggle, and this is our struggle.
So far we've been childless our whole lives. We're OK with that too. We have a great life with just Rob and I and our pets. But there is something in us now that longs for something more. You don't put yourselves through all of that if you don't really want it.
Part of me is sad, deep down inside, if I really think about it. It's a punch in the gut to recognize that our final outcome is essentially failure. It still hurts everytime I hear of someone else that is pregnant (even though I'm happy for them, there is always a "sting" that is associated with it). It hurts to think I'll never feel a baby kick inside me. That I'll never look at a child and think "he has Rob's eyes, or my mannerisms." There is always a part of me that thinks, maybe we should've tried harder when we were younger, and there's the other part of me that is convinced that my eggs and Robbie's sperm just do not, and will not ever make a baby, even though my doctor seems to want to keep trying. I think there really must be something wrong with one of us, or with our combination, even though all the tests we've had don't show that. Part of me is afraid to walk away and tell Dr. Stassart, "no more, thank you, even though you think it could still happen, we're done." What if next time is the time that it would work??? But I'm going to speak from experience here and say that it won't. :)
Overall the blessing here is that we are finally done with IVF. All the filled up syringe containers and left-over meds in my spare bedroom can finally get dropped off at their correct disposal sites. Rob and I can go back to a life of no restrictions - I can lift 10 pounds again (on Saturday), I can exercise, I can take a hot bath, we can have sex - just for fun! Not to "maybe make a baby." That ship has sailed! :)
I will keep up this blog because if I know me, I won't let too much grass grow beneathe my feet before I'm seriously looking into adoption. I don't want this IVF finality to stop us in our tracks. I want it to be the catapult that launches us into hopefully a year of hope, joy, and happiness. We will have to finalize things with RMIA. It is my understanding that we will have a big check coming our way (get all our money back now that we failed so miserably), and then we can move on.
All we know is that God must have bigger plans for us, and we learned we must wait on His time. So, all in God's time, my friends. Someday Rob and I will be able to look back on our lives and see His plan revealed, and I have to believe it will be worth the effort, and the wait!
Now I know, I know. Sometimes they can be wrong, or sometimes it's too early, but I'm not holding my breath here. I've taken lots of tests over the years and they've never been wrong. I know how to use them. And, I don't think it's too early with tomorrow being my first HCG test. My nurse will email me tomorrow probably, and if my quant is 0, it will confirm.
For now, I will continue to take all my meds like a good patient, on the off chance that the HPT is wrong, and on Friday, either way, I will be set free from IVF!
So what are my thoughts this morning? Surprisingly, OK. I was preparing myself for a failed cycle. Things just weren't looking too good. Only 8 mature eggs. Only one 8 cell on day 3. No frozens. I just have learned so much on this journey that I had a hunch this wasn't going to be our miracle baby. With no frozens, I'm faced with the realization that we really have done all we could to have a biological child of our own, but it was not meant to be.
When we had our final transfer, Dr. Stassart indicated that he would be willing to keep working with us, but for what? Nothing new was learned. There is no new fantastic treatment to try. I just am done beating my head up against the same brick wall. IVF is a tough thing to go through even one time, and we did it 5 times, 3 fresh cycles and 2 frozens. I don't think I'm a quitter to want to move on.
We're not getting any younger and I have to have hope that we will start a family somehow. I'm the type of person that wants to jump into "the next big thing" but Rob will need a little more time to heal from IVF being a big fat failure. But, when we're ready, I'm excited to start the next chapter in this journey and pursue adoption. I've known this all along that this was the route we'd take if IVF didn't work, and it finally feels like now I will have a green light to go for it! IVF left me feeling dead inside. When it didn't work the first time, and then when we miscarried the second time, it just felt like everything else was just "going through the motions." I had given control up to Jesus and I believe that he knows a plan for me that is bigger than the one I can dream up for myself. By stepping back and giving up control, I went through the steps of IVF like a good patient, but I lost my passion for it. Each negative step just kept wearing me down. My body has been a science experiment for 1.5 years, and I'm ready to feel some fire inside again! I know adoption is a long and trying road, but I'm ready to learn all I can about it and forge ahead.
I think Rob and I are meant to do great things. We weren't meant to just have children the way everyone else does it. We have different hurdles to go over. IVF, and infertility in general, is an incredible test of a couple's strength. I know you've read this blog and know what we've been through but we are the ones that actually lived it. Every medical procedure (even back to our chlomid, temp charting, and IUI days) every lab test, every pill, every needle, every time under anesthesia, every genetic counseling step, every miscarriage (all 3 of them), every drive to and from MN, we endured together. We haven't had the joy baby bump pictures, or the beautiful birthing story to tell. Everything we've been through has led us right back to where we started, childless. I mean, for those of you with children reading this, really try to imagine if you were never able to have them...no matter how much you love them now, or how badly you wanted them, or how you can't imagine your life without them... imagine that no matter what you tried, you never were able to bring them into this world. Then you would feel how painful infertility is.
I'm not the only woman to go through infertility. There are terrible, painful stories out there of miscarriages, and and stillbirths and mid-pregnancy loss. There are women who try IVF 7, 8, 9 times with no luck. There are couples who are financially ruined from the cost of the treatments. I'm not saying I'm better or worse than any of those women, or that Rob and I as a couple are better or worse as any other couple. I know there are families WITH children who have terrible terrible stories. Children with cancer, or children with behavioral issues, or physical disabilities that make everyday living difficult and emotionally painful. I'm not saying we're better or worse than any of those families. There are people who have perfectly healthy children, and have had no issues having them. I'm not saying we're better or worse than them. I'm just saying, after all we've been through, in my opinion, our story is a tough one to bear, but we are incredibly strong, and we'll push through. Life on earth isn't meant to be easy. We all will struggle, and this is our struggle.
So far we've been childless our whole lives. We're OK with that too. We have a great life with just Rob and I and our pets. But there is something in us now that longs for something more. You don't put yourselves through all of that if you don't really want it.
Part of me is sad, deep down inside, if I really think about it. It's a punch in the gut to recognize that our final outcome is essentially failure. It still hurts everytime I hear of someone else that is pregnant (even though I'm happy for them, there is always a "sting" that is associated with it). It hurts to think I'll never feel a baby kick inside me. That I'll never look at a child and think "he has Rob's eyes, or my mannerisms." There is always a part of me that thinks, maybe we should've tried harder when we were younger, and there's the other part of me that is convinced that my eggs and Robbie's sperm just do not, and will not ever make a baby, even though my doctor seems to want to keep trying. I think there really must be something wrong with one of us, or with our combination, even though all the tests we've had don't show that. Part of me is afraid to walk away and tell Dr. Stassart, "no more, thank you, even though you think it could still happen, we're done." What if next time is the time that it would work??? But I'm going to speak from experience here and say that it won't. :)
Overall the blessing here is that we are finally done with IVF. All the filled up syringe containers and left-over meds in my spare bedroom can finally get dropped off at their correct disposal sites. Rob and I can go back to a life of no restrictions - I can lift 10 pounds again (on Saturday), I can exercise, I can take a hot bath, we can have sex - just for fun! Not to "maybe make a baby." That ship has sailed! :)
I will keep up this blog because if I know me, I won't let too much grass grow beneathe my feet before I'm seriously looking into adoption. I don't want this IVF finality to stop us in our tracks. I want it to be the catapult that launches us into hopefully a year of hope, joy, and happiness. We will have to finalize things with RMIA. It is my understanding that we will have a big check coming our way (get all our money back now that we failed so miserably), and then we can move on.
All we know is that God must have bigger plans for us, and we learned we must wait on His time. So, all in God's time, my friends. Someday Rob and I will be able to look back on our lives and see His plan revealed, and I have to believe it will be worth the effort, and the wait!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Retrieval photo
I meant to post this in our blog about retrieval. We took of picture of me just before retrieval this time as sort of a remembrance of our RMIA experience:
This is before they move you into the procedure room (this was actually taken before they had my IV in too). Hard to believe I went through retrieval 3 times...and so far still have nothing to show for it! Erg! :)
3rd (and final?) transfer done!
Good morning all! It is the day after our embryo transfer. Here's how everything went.
On Sunday the 15th we had to call in to find out when our transfer would be...Day 3 or Day 5. Rob and I were convinced that Day 5 is the best since we had a Day 3 transfer the first time that didn't work and our Day 5 transfer ended in pregnancy. We were at Rob's parent's house celebrating Christmas and watching football when I had to excuse myself to the bedroom to make the phone call to the clinic to listen to our "message" to see what our instructions were. My heart was pounding in my chest and then she said "your transfer will take place, tomorrow, 12/16." I felt devastated. Our 13 little eggs must not have been achieving rock star status in the lab. I wrote down all my instructions and then went back out to the living room to try to enjoy the rest of our visit. The Packer game came on and we watched the miserable first half, and then it was time to head home at halftime .
My ovaries had hurt pretty bad from Friday through Sunday. Extra strength Tylenol was my friend. When we got home Randy and Alyson came over so Randy could help Rob carry sheet rock into our basement. Thank goodness for his help. Once they left, I was happy to put my jogging pants on to give my ovaries a break. I started getting ready for our trip in the morning. Gathering meds, cleaning the house up a bit. Then Rob turned the game back on and we saw the Packer's amazing comeback! What a game! I had posted on Facebook about how Rob and I were not confident in a Day 3 Transfer. We got wonderful encouraging supportive comments from friends, and Larry said "I almost gave up on the Packers and look what they did. I refuse to think negative thoughts in your case. PMA (positive mental attitude)." He always has to remind me to have PMA. He (and you all) must think I'm the most negative person in the world....but c'mon, after the year and a half that we've been through, it gets darn hard to hang onto the positive.
That night Rob got the van all ready with my "bed" in the back and we went to bed dreading another 4 hour drive in the morning.
We were on the road by 7:30 on Monday. We knew snow was coming so we did our best to try to get to MN before hitting any snow. We made it to just before I-94 when the snow started coming down.
On Sunday the 15th we had to call in to find out when our transfer would be...Day 3 or Day 5. Rob and I were convinced that Day 5 is the best since we had a Day 3 transfer the first time that didn't work and our Day 5 transfer ended in pregnancy. We were at Rob's parent's house celebrating Christmas and watching football when I had to excuse myself to the bedroom to make the phone call to the clinic to listen to our "message" to see what our instructions were. My heart was pounding in my chest and then she said "your transfer will take place, tomorrow, 12/16." I felt devastated. Our 13 little eggs must not have been achieving rock star status in the lab. I wrote down all my instructions and then went back out to the living room to try to enjoy the rest of our visit. The Packer game came on and we watched the miserable first half, and then it was time to head home at halftime .
My ovaries had hurt pretty bad from Friday through Sunday. Extra strength Tylenol was my friend. When we got home Randy and Alyson came over so Randy could help Rob carry sheet rock into our basement. Thank goodness for his help. Once they left, I was happy to put my jogging pants on to give my ovaries a break. I started getting ready for our trip in the morning. Gathering meds, cleaning the house up a bit. Then Rob turned the game back on and we saw the Packer's amazing comeback! What a game! I had posted on Facebook about how Rob and I were not confident in a Day 3 Transfer. We got wonderful encouraging supportive comments from friends, and Larry said "I almost gave up on the Packers and look what they did. I refuse to think negative thoughts in your case. PMA (positive mental attitude)." He always has to remind me to have PMA. He (and you all) must think I'm the most negative person in the world....but c'mon, after the year and a half that we've been through, it gets darn hard to hang onto the positive.
That night Rob got the van all ready with my "bed" in the back and we went to bed dreading another 4 hour drive in the morning.
We were on the road by 7:30 on Monday. We knew snow was coming so we did our best to try to get to MN before hitting any snow. We made it to just before I-94 when the snow started coming down.
This was just the beginning. Shortly after this it was whiteout conditions. You could not see more than 10 feet in front of you. It was VERY scary. All I could think was, if there is an accident up ahead you would never see it until you would plow into it yourself. We thankfully made it RIGHT ON TIME for our noon appointment. Along the way I had to empty my bladder at 11am and start refilling it, and I had to take advil...I was able to keep on schedule with all those instructions even in spite of the storm.
Once at the clinic I had to have an OHSS check. They take blood from you. MORE BLOOD! My veins had been tapped more in the last year and a half than they have in my entire lifetime. Then they weigh you (I had to throw out a disclaimer that we did just have Christmas at my in-laws the day before which does mean increased food intake!) then they take you to the back and measure your bloated tummy and take your blood pressure. I had Courtney do all these tests for me. She's been someone at RMIA that we've worked with since the beginning. She knows us well. She said "Well, we're going to get you pregnant today, so that's exciting..." and so that was my opportunity to open up to her and give her a full display of my non-PMA. :) I told her how we thought 13 was not a good number (since the last 2 times we had 22). She said "13 is a GOOD number." Then I confessed that we thought day 3 transfer was a bad sign and she just reassured me that the doctor and the embryologist know what is the best day to go with. All things I already knew, but it always feels better to hear it from someone in the RMIA system.
We then went back to the little room they have you wait in for the embryologist to come in. Courtney went out to the waiting room to get Rob to bring him back where I was waiting. I could hear them chatting coming down the hall about how bad the roads were. I am so lucky to have such a confident man in all things. There is nothing he doesn't tackle full on. He never let me know yesterday that the roads were making him nervous. But the stress did tire him out more than usual...poor guy, he still had 4 hours to drive home, with me passed out and not seat belted in on a mattress in the back!
Then a nurse came in and went over our discharge instructions. Basically could only lay flat yesterday and today can just sit in a recliner. No shower. Only get up to go to the bathroom. Thankfully my mom is coming to make me lunch and deal with my pet's food and potty situations! This is why I'm home today blogging instead of being at work. (OMG, work! I haven't been there since Thursday and this is the busiest time of year for me. I will have SO much to do before the end of the year. Nervous, but I will get it done, I always do).
It was time to take my Valium and then I got as tired as Rob! We both sort of took a nap with our heads laid down on the table like lazy high school students while we waited for the Embryologist. I mean, I literally fell asleep, and I'm sure he did too! Finally Will, our embryologist came in. Another guy who we've gotten to know well through this process! Will showed us the picture of our embryos. We have quite a collection of these now. He said out of 13, 8 were mature enough to be fertilized. Of those 8 one stopped growing right away. The 2 we had put in yesterday were the 2 best of what was left. The remaining they will continue to try to culture in the lab and try to grow them long enough to freeze...but it doesn't sound promising. I have to call on Thursday to see if any were frozen. They used to mail you a letter, but now you get to call, which is much quicker and more convenient.
Of the 2 that we put in, one was an 8 cell embryo (which is where they should be by Day 3) and one was a 6 cell, so a little behind. He says sometimes they are slow growing and then have a growth spurt. They had a grade of 1.2 and 1.7. They did assisted hatching with them so if/when they do reach the blastocyst stage, they have a better chance of hatching out and attaching to the uterine lining. Here are their pictures:
Rob and I were joking while we waited in the room for the Embryologist to come in. We always "name" our embryos. The first time we had Hoorhay and Bobby. The second time was Woody. The two frozen cycles I guess we didn't name them. But we felt these 2 new fresh ones needed names. I've been so negative about this whole process, just certain that it wouldn't work, and Rob has been calling me Negative Nancy. My friend Heidi has called me Debbie Downer. (You all remember Debbie Downer, right? The famous SNL skit where Rachel Dratch and her cast mates can't keep it together during the skit with Lindsey Lohan supposedly set in Disney World, the happiest place on earth)? Rob and I were joking that one of the lines she completely loses it on is "Well, it's official. I can't have children!" So, laughingly we decided to name our embryos Debbie and Nancy.
We then traveled across the hall to have Transfer. By this time the Valium has really kicked in and I'm relaxed. They check to see if my bladder is full, and as always, it was too full. I had to go empty a bit out. Not fun. Then Doctor Stassart comes in. Joanie - my FAVORITE nurse there - goes through everything with us; what's about to go down, even though we've been there lots of times before. Dr. Stassart gave us an article about how promising the uterine scraping we had done in November has been to successful outcomes. Maybe that will be the trick this time! We mentioned to Dr. Stassart about how we were nervous that this was our last time and he threw something out there that if we wanted, he would be willing to continue to work with us because we did have success one time. He said if we had three rounds of no pregnancy then he would say we could be done, but it was like he was hinting that for the same $26,000 we could keep trying. He said we could talk about it after we know the results of this round. While that is encouraging that he believes this could work for us, part of me is just really, and I mean REALLY, ready to walk away from IVF...but there's that part of me that isn't ready to walk away from the idea of having our own baby, a little Jennine/Rob. BUT, adoption sounds more exciting and wonderful each day. One step at a time. And, I believe it's out of my control anyway. Only God knows how this story ends.
The transfer took some time. Dr. Stassart had a hard time getting the catheter exactly where he wanted it because my ovaries are so huge. Stupid ovaries. Eventually it was time to bring in Will who shoots the little guys (or in this case, little ladies) into their new home. Then, it's all over. Will confirms that they are all out of the tube, and then I lay there for 6 minutes, put on my clothes, go to the bathroom, and go home.
The drive home was treacherous. Poor Robbie. We didn't get home until 7:00pm. Once home I went straight to bed since I had to lay flat with just one pillow. Rob made me a BLTsandwich in bed. Before long I was sleeping...I guess HGTV wasn't holding my interest.
This morning I got up and took my meds. While I was peeing, my cat decided to eat a plastic wrapper out of the garbage can. Since I was on the toilet, I couldn't jump up and wrangle it away from him. (TMI, sorry). So, I yelled, and screamed, and then jumped up and pulled it away from him. I'm sure that extreme overreaction was good for implantation. I suck. So, now I am just resting on the couch. I have to remember that it's not little incidents like that that prevent pregnancy. But, it weighs heavily on you when you know they just want you laying around yet you're yelling and wrestling with a cat instead. Ugh!
Our first blood pregnancy test is scheduled for 12/26 and our second confirmation test is scheduled for 12/27. Unusual that they are just 1 day apart, but that is because they didn't want me to have to wait the weekend to find out. They said they just need to see that the numbers are growing at a certain ratio---doesn't matter if it's 1 day or 2 days in between. Again, odd. So, I will probably break the rules and take a pregnancy test on CHRISTMAS DAY. That way, if I am pregnant, what a great Christmas present! And, if I'm not, then I can tell everyone at family Christmas instead of listening to them all "hope" that it worked. :)
So that's it for now. Sorry for such a long blog! Back to bedrest I go!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hello from nausea land
Well, on Thursday night we left for MN at about 6pm. I was SOOOOO sick I was crying. I'm not sure what all the nausea has been about this time around. We made it to Wauwauwega when we got pulled over for speeding. The cop was very nice. He gave us the option of giving us a $10 fine for no insurance (even though we HAD proof of insurance) or a $200+ speeding ticket. Hmmm, what would you choose? So our $10 ticket should show up in the mail soon.
In Stevens Point Rob stopped for McDonald's. I tried to eat just a plain hamburger but took one bite and had to spit it out the window. The only thing I could get down was some crackers that we brought from home mainly just so I could get my antibiotics down. I was able to nap for about 2 hours in the car and felt better when I woke up. Poor Rob had to drive in the dark alone...I always feel guilty sleeping....I think I should stay awake to keep him company.
We got to our hotel at 10pm and unloaded all our stuff. When we opened the door to our room it just stunk of cigarette smoke. Not cool considering I had booked a non-smoking room...and the smell was sure to not help my nausea! But, it was so late and we had already parked the car down by the entrance near our room and hauled all our bags in that we just "dealt with it." Today though, I emailed the hotel my disappointment.
The next morning we got up around 8am and started getting ready for our appointment. I had doctor's orders to not eat or drink anything that morning due to the anesthesia, which was a bummer because I hadn't eaten anything except crackers at 7pm the day before. Rob was able to enjoy continental breakfast at the hotel. We got to our appointment right on time for Rob to have his appointment for his "contribution" to this process. :) Then they took me back for the same old drill. Weigh in, take blood pressure, put gown on, start IV. She tried to do the IV in my arm, but wasn't successful. She put the needle in and dug around FOREVER. She said my veins were small from being dehydrated. Which I could understand with how little I had had to eat and drink within the last day. They finally found a vein in my hand. After my IV was in they took me right across the hall to the procedure room to get started. I had mentioned to my nurse that my instructions never told me to use my Lupron trigger shot that they had sent me. She seemed surprised but said she would check on it. I had texted my nurse here in Appleton to confirm that it wasn't in my insructions the night I would've had to administer it, and she agreed that it was not in there. Perhaps I should've called RMIA direct that night. Darn it.
The anesthesiologist came in and got me started. It's funny how fast I pass out after that. Rob said Dr. Stassart came in and that I greeted him, but I DO NOT remember that at all. The next thing I knew, I woke up back in the room I started in. Rob video-taped me waking up. Not a pretty video! I don't remember the travel from one room to the other. They apparently slide me from one bed to the other and then wheel me across the hall, although on the video Rob tries to tell me that I "danced" from one room to the next. They told me they retrieved 13 eggs. I was a little bummed about that. The last 2 times we had 22 each time. This time, only 13. That seems like significantly less. Less to grow to Blastocyst stage. Less to have frozen. Oh well. It is what it is.
My nurse then gave me my nutter butter cookie snack with apple juice. Once my IV finished, I was able to get dressed and we could go home. My nurse then explained to me that I SHOULD have taken my Lupron trigger, that it was a computer error that they didn't tell me to (UGH!) but that everything should be just fine because I triggered with HCG, and I got 13 eggs. It still bums me out though because our first IVF try we didn't do the Lupron trigger, and our eggs were of poor quality and we didn't get pregnant. Our second protocol was so much better with the Lupron trigger, and we did get pregnant. I'm really hoping that not doing the Lupron isn't going to affect the process in any way. The real unfortunate thing is that we paid for that med for nothing. I suppose we should try to get our money back on that one. Annoying.
We headed out for home right around noon yesterday. The anesthesiologist suggested we get some "comfort" food for lunch. We stopped at Subway and I tried to eat some soup, but it was not happening. I was so sick - again! We headed out for home and I tried to sleep but I was just fighting nausea with every fiber of my being. I finally had to have Rob pull over on a side road and I "firehose" vomited several times. After that I felt like a million bucks. We made it the rest of the way home without incident.
Once home I cozied in on the couch and slept most of the night. We have instructions to call "med voice" - an automated service - tomorrow after 2pm to find out if our transfer will be on day 3 or day 5. Our plan was to get to a day 5 transfer, like last time, but I guess you can never tell until they see how they are growing in the lab. I will be frustrated if we have a day 3 transfer since that is also what happened the first time and we were unsuccessful. I'm hoping we have something make it to day 5. But - people do get pregnant on day 3 transfers. If they're not growing super well in the lab, the best place for them to be is inside me, so we'll just leave it to the experts and see what happens. If it is a day 3, we'll be headed back to MN on Monday already.
Today I'm taking it easy, somewhat. I got up, paid bills, had Rob run me to the grocery store, made blue berry muffins, and spritz cookies, got the laundry going, and now I'm relaxing, blogging and watching HGTV. I had a little bout of nausea today, but nothing like I was having. I'm at risk for OHSS so I have to drink lots of water and gatorade. I think it is that condition that makes me feel so icky. We're having more comfort food for lunch - grilled cheese and tomato soup. Yum!
Rob is busy working away in the basement - by himself!!! He's got a drywall lift and he's screwing drywall into the ceiling all on his own. He's amazing.
I'm very happy to have our last retrieval behind us. It's so much to go through. I sure hope we get pregnant and have a baby this time, but even if we don't, I'm getting ready to kiss IVF goodbye! It's been a long year and a half.
In Stevens Point Rob stopped for McDonald's. I tried to eat just a plain hamburger but took one bite and had to spit it out the window. The only thing I could get down was some crackers that we brought from home mainly just so I could get my antibiotics down. I was able to nap for about 2 hours in the car and felt better when I woke up. Poor Rob had to drive in the dark alone...I always feel guilty sleeping....I think I should stay awake to keep him company.
We got to our hotel at 10pm and unloaded all our stuff. When we opened the door to our room it just stunk of cigarette smoke. Not cool considering I had booked a non-smoking room...and the smell was sure to not help my nausea! But, it was so late and we had already parked the car down by the entrance near our room and hauled all our bags in that we just "dealt with it." Today though, I emailed the hotel my disappointment.
The next morning we got up around 8am and started getting ready for our appointment. I had doctor's orders to not eat or drink anything that morning due to the anesthesia, which was a bummer because I hadn't eaten anything except crackers at 7pm the day before. Rob was able to enjoy continental breakfast at the hotel. We got to our appointment right on time for Rob to have his appointment for his "contribution" to this process. :) Then they took me back for the same old drill. Weigh in, take blood pressure, put gown on, start IV. She tried to do the IV in my arm, but wasn't successful. She put the needle in and dug around FOREVER. She said my veins were small from being dehydrated. Which I could understand with how little I had had to eat and drink within the last day. They finally found a vein in my hand. After my IV was in they took me right across the hall to the procedure room to get started. I had mentioned to my nurse that my instructions never told me to use my Lupron trigger shot that they had sent me. She seemed surprised but said she would check on it. I had texted my nurse here in Appleton to confirm that it wasn't in my insructions the night I would've had to administer it, and she agreed that it was not in there. Perhaps I should've called RMIA direct that night. Darn it.
The anesthesiologist came in and got me started. It's funny how fast I pass out after that. Rob said Dr. Stassart came in and that I greeted him, but I DO NOT remember that at all. The next thing I knew, I woke up back in the room I started in. Rob video-taped me waking up. Not a pretty video! I don't remember the travel from one room to the other. They apparently slide me from one bed to the other and then wheel me across the hall, although on the video Rob tries to tell me that I "danced" from one room to the next. They told me they retrieved 13 eggs. I was a little bummed about that. The last 2 times we had 22 each time. This time, only 13. That seems like significantly less. Less to grow to Blastocyst stage. Less to have frozen. Oh well. It is what it is.
My nurse then gave me my nutter butter cookie snack with apple juice. Once my IV finished, I was able to get dressed and we could go home. My nurse then explained to me that I SHOULD have taken my Lupron trigger, that it was a computer error that they didn't tell me to (UGH!) but that everything should be just fine because I triggered with HCG, and I got 13 eggs. It still bums me out though because our first IVF try we didn't do the Lupron trigger, and our eggs were of poor quality and we didn't get pregnant. Our second protocol was so much better with the Lupron trigger, and we did get pregnant. I'm really hoping that not doing the Lupron isn't going to affect the process in any way. The real unfortunate thing is that we paid for that med for nothing. I suppose we should try to get our money back on that one. Annoying.
We headed out for home right around noon yesterday. The anesthesiologist suggested we get some "comfort" food for lunch. We stopped at Subway and I tried to eat some soup, but it was not happening. I was so sick - again! We headed out for home and I tried to sleep but I was just fighting nausea with every fiber of my being. I finally had to have Rob pull over on a side road and I "firehose" vomited several times. After that I felt like a million bucks. We made it the rest of the way home without incident.
Once home I cozied in on the couch and slept most of the night. We have instructions to call "med voice" - an automated service - tomorrow after 2pm to find out if our transfer will be on day 3 or day 5. Our plan was to get to a day 5 transfer, like last time, but I guess you can never tell until they see how they are growing in the lab. I will be frustrated if we have a day 3 transfer since that is also what happened the first time and we were unsuccessful. I'm hoping we have something make it to day 5. But - people do get pregnant on day 3 transfers. If they're not growing super well in the lab, the best place for them to be is inside me, so we'll just leave it to the experts and see what happens. If it is a day 3, we'll be headed back to MN on Monday already.
Today I'm taking it easy, somewhat. I got up, paid bills, had Rob run me to the grocery store, made blue berry muffins, and spritz cookies, got the laundry going, and now I'm relaxing, blogging and watching HGTV. I had a little bout of nausea today, but nothing like I was having. I'm at risk for OHSS so I have to drink lots of water and gatorade. I think it is that condition that makes me feel so icky. We're having more comfort food for lunch - grilled cheese and tomato soup. Yum!
Rob is busy working away in the basement - by himself!!! He's got a drywall lift and he's screwing drywall into the ceiling all on his own. He's amazing.
I'm very happy to have our last retrieval behind us. It's so much to go through. I sure hope we get pregnant and have a baby this time, but even if we don't, I'm getting ready to kiss IVF goodbye! It's been a long year and a half.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Friday the 13th
Well, it can't get more lucky than this...or can it? Our retrieval is scheduled for Friday, the 13th. We had an ultrasound this morning that showed those little follicles growing like mad! I winced as she moved the ultrasound wand around...there's not much room in there so it's pretty tender right now - 2 more days!
My nurse called this afternoon and gave us our final instructions. I have to start taking a med tonight to help with my OHSS symptoms, and I have to do my HCG trigger shot precisely at 11pm. 11pm! That is late! I'm usually asleep for 2 hours by that time. Hmmm...better set quadruple alarms to make sure we get up to do that shot since I know we're not staying awake that late! Tomorrow I have to do another blood draw at 6:30am. I don't remember that happening last time. I wonder what that is all about. Are they worried about something? Plus, my trigger shot tonight is only 5,000 units, not 10,000 HCG...so who knows. Hopefully we get some good eggs on Friday.
Our appointment for Rob is at 9:40am Friday morning. We will travel tomorrow night and stay at our home away from home - the Country Inn and Suites of Woodbury. We thought about just driving there Friday morning - EARLY - but then what if there's a car accident, or a break down....retrieval is extremely time sensitive so I'm not willing to chance it. We will be hoteling it up tomorrow night. Rob does his thing then at 9:40am, and then our retrieval is scheduled for 11am. Then we'll get to drive on home.
I'm looking forward to having this part behind us. All the meds and sore ovaries are a lot to manage. The 2 week wait is murder, but at least then I don't have to shoot myself up!
That's about it for now. I will post more hopefully on Friday. Please pray for us or keep us in your thoughts - hoping for a good number of healthy eggs to fertilize! This is our last chance!
My nurse called this afternoon and gave us our final instructions. I have to start taking a med tonight to help with my OHSS symptoms, and I have to do my HCG trigger shot precisely at 11pm. 11pm! That is late! I'm usually asleep for 2 hours by that time. Hmmm...better set quadruple alarms to make sure we get up to do that shot since I know we're not staying awake that late! Tomorrow I have to do another blood draw at 6:30am. I don't remember that happening last time. I wonder what that is all about. Are they worried about something? Plus, my trigger shot tonight is only 5,000 units, not 10,000 HCG...so who knows. Hopefully we get some good eggs on Friday.
Our appointment for Rob is at 9:40am Friday morning. We will travel tomorrow night and stay at our home away from home - the Country Inn and Suites of Woodbury. We thought about just driving there Friday morning - EARLY - but then what if there's a car accident, or a break down....retrieval is extremely time sensitive so I'm not willing to chance it. We will be hoteling it up tomorrow night. Rob does his thing then at 9:40am, and then our retrieval is scheduled for 11am. Then we'll get to drive on home.
I'm looking forward to having this part behind us. All the meds and sore ovaries are a lot to manage. The 2 week wait is murder, but at least then I don't have to shoot myself up!
That's about it for now. I will post more hopefully on Friday. Please pray for us or keep us in your thoughts - hoping for a good number of healthy eggs to fertilize! This is our last chance!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Speidi long time...
I can't believe I haven't written since Saturday! Where does the time go? Again, it's been a busy few days! Today especially! While I like nothing more than a challenging last minute team project with an immediate deadline at work, it's tough when you're as tired as I was today...and my poor little doggie bladders were filling up while I cranked out that last extra hour and a half of work. It's nice to be home now - ate, got the laundry started, pushed the garbage to the curb...and as soon as I'm done typing this I get to watch my much anticipated Heidi and Spencer story which I DVRed last night! (How lame am I?)
No word on Tally's vet results yet, they were sent off to a Lab at Cornell University! My vet did hint though that he has a good feeling about her prognosis - so fingers crossed!
Yesterday I had an ultrasound and blood work. My silly little follicles are dragging their feet! (They don't have feet really, it's just a figure of speech). We were supposed to have tentative retrieval tomorrow, but instead I'm just scheduled for yet another ultrasound. My technician didn't think I would have as many follicles as last time. My fear gets the better of me and I hope we have enough to produce some quality blastocysts. One day at a time!
If I were to have my best guess, I'd say we'll be traveling to MN on Friday, but we will have to see what tomorrow morning brings. So far I'm not feeling TERRIBLY uncomfortable...I mean...I have begun to feel my ovaries the last 3 days only. On Sunday I actually had a bout of nausea that sent me hovering over the toilet like my old hangover days of yore. I sure don't miss that feeling! Yesterday I ate entirely too much which didn't have me feeling that great either. Today I was just dragging...so tired....that has to be due to all the meds my body is processing. Looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight.
Tonight we continue on with 2 more shots and then I'm anxious to see what they find tomorrow. I hope we're cleared for retrieval. I'm ready to just get this all past us!
OK - time to check in with Speidi! I'll write more tomorrow.
No word on Tally's vet results yet, they were sent off to a Lab at Cornell University! My vet did hint though that he has a good feeling about her prognosis - so fingers crossed!
Yesterday I had an ultrasound and blood work. My silly little follicles are dragging their feet! (They don't have feet really, it's just a figure of speech). We were supposed to have tentative retrieval tomorrow, but instead I'm just scheduled for yet another ultrasound. My technician didn't think I would have as many follicles as last time. My fear gets the better of me and I hope we have enough to produce some quality blastocysts. One day at a time!
If I were to have my best guess, I'd say we'll be traveling to MN on Friday, but we will have to see what tomorrow morning brings. So far I'm not feeling TERRIBLY uncomfortable...I mean...I have begun to feel my ovaries the last 3 days only. On Sunday I actually had a bout of nausea that sent me hovering over the toilet like my old hangover days of yore. I sure don't miss that feeling! Yesterday I ate entirely too much which didn't have me feeling that great either. Today I was just dragging...so tired....that has to be due to all the meds my body is processing. Looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight.
Tonight we continue on with 2 more shots and then I'm anxious to see what they find tomorrow. I hope we're cleared for retrieval. I'm ready to just get this all past us!
OK - time to check in with Speidi! I'll write more tomorrow.
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